my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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