we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
