it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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