ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
