It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
