i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
