He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You ate ashes out of my bong
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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