I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think we might need a safe word for this...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize