It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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