After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
