Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
