she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
