dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
