are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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