I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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