i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
