So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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