if you like me you must not know who I am
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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