You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
