Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
