you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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