How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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