fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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