I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
