i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
