well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
