He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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