I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
They have beer where we have blood.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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