she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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