in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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