I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
