look no pants
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
