That's intense
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
