How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
