Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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