stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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