Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
