First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
