We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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