Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
