and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
