I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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