I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
