It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
