Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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