I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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