I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm at about main and main street
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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