clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
