the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
