You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
