i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
