think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
