I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
