DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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