Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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