This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
