im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
