I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
