Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
