Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
