if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
