I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
