like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
