I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
