I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
