I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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