it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And then he peed in my hair
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