I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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