if you like me you must not know who I am
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
