he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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