That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
