what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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