I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
