why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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