All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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