I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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